MISCARRIAGE // WHEN WE FOUND OUT I WAS EXPECTING AGAIN…

This was the beginning of the next chapter of our life that unfortunately wasn’t to be and I wrote this a day or two after finding out that I was pregnant with our second baby. I wanted to share what I’d written despite our loss because I want to remember those initial feelings and they still count, this is still our story. There’s also a video, shown below, that I made to kick off my pregnancy updates when I was 4-5 weeks pregnant with our baby. Again, I don’t want to forget how happy we were or these memories.

Our Second Baby


When I was pregnant with Lily I didn’t have any symptoms in the run up to taking the test other than being overly emotional at a Katy Perry concert and randomly crying at Download Festival. I’ll be honest, I often struggle to hold in my excitement when I go to gigs (I’m a bit weird like that) but I knew this was something above and beyond my usual jitters. In my mind I decided it must be down to hormonal problems (I’ve got ovarian cysts) but it soon became clear that we’d conceived our precious miracle baby and here she is with us today…

This time round, I thought ‘this might be it’ and although I’m used to seeing the negative response on pregnancy tests, a little whisper inside told me that it really could be our lucky day.

I’d had a couple of symptoms this time round. I’d been going for a wee way more than usual and here’s the big tell-tale sign, my breasts had been MEGA sore, so much so that the night before we found out we were expecting I had to sleep without a top on because the feel of anything against them was so uncomfortable!

The last, slightly embarrassing symptom, is that I’ve been having ‘romantic’ dreams and feeling even more ‘romantic’ than I usually do (you get what I mean right? *wink wink*)

I found out I was pregnant with Lily on Monday 16th June 2014. We’d come home from Download Festival in the early hours, had a sleep and shower and gone to Tesco to stock up on essentials for the week. Mike had suggested that we buy a test ‘just incase’ with neither of us expecting anything of it as we thought we’d really struggle to conceive naturally, if at all.

We went home and I unpacked the shopping whilst Mike popped round to our neighbours to give them some beer for watching our animals whilst we’d been away for a few days. He was longer than expected and so I thought I’d get it out of the way and tell him it was negative when he got back. As usual.

It came up instantly. There they were, two blue pink lines forming a perfect cross on the test. I was so shocked, yelping before breaking out in to happy tears.

Mike came back and I put my phone on to record video whilst I told him. Despite my efforts, I was shaking so the camera was all over the place and trying to be discreet about the filming so he wouldn’t catch on that I had a surprise so we ended up with a film of his legs whilst he says ‘What?’ before I hand him the test and then ‘Oh, what does that mean?’ when he reads it (what do you think doofus? We’re having a baby!)

We still have the little video and it makes me laugh to watch it back. He’s such a dork.

This time round it was even less glam. We found out on 21st January 2017 and of all the places to find out you’re expecting another bundle of joy, is the toilets of a Morrisons anywhere near the top of the list? No?

Following on from ‘the sore boob saga’, we’d decided a test was probably a good idea just to rule it out as I’d never had such full-on symptoms before this.

Mike went off to work and I took Lily to see my Mum who decided to take us out for lunch at the local Morrisons café before we grabbed a few bits of shopping.

There was a wait for food so she suggested I go and buy a test and take it now as she couldn’t handle not knowing (she wasn’t the only one!)

I did and by then I almost expected it to come up (without being cocky) and, of course, there it was again.

I had to make my way back to the café where she and Lily were sat waiting without breaking out in to more tears (I’d cried over the sinks!) and keep it together. She caught my eye as I was walking towards her and I nodded, grinning from ear to ear.

I text Mike to see if he could come home early but got back that he was run off his feet at work as I expected. I said I had a little surprise and he replied ‘Is it a teeny tiny little surprise that might be living in your tummy?’. Bastard, how does he always know?

I lied – ‘I wish!’ – and we went in to town to buy a few things to surprise him with. Some decaf Yorkshire Tea, pregnancy vitamins and the cutest little newborn top and trousers set did the trick and I popped them in a gift bag with my digital test clearly showing the words ‘Pregnant 1-2 weeks’.

He picked me up from Mum’s house and I couldn’t wait to tell him so asked Lily to give him the bag when he came in. She toppled it around as she handed it over and the test fell out on to the floor *facepalm*.

He was absolutely over the moon, a few tears running down his cheeks and the biggest smile on his face.

We did it – again – and we know that we’re so incredibly lucky!


Say hello? Have a question? Get in touch via lucy@hellobeautifulbear.com

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